Family Adventures Spring 2018
On March 30, 2018, my 89-year-old mother-in-law was taken
by Allen’s cousin to the hospital in Memphis, TN. She has lived alone in her
house since her husband died over 20 years ago. The doctors found her heart in
atrial fibrillation and that she also needed a pacemaker. They started
treatment and with Allen’s first cousin there to communicate with the doctors,
they tried to convince Mrs. Mullins to undergo surgery for pacemaker
implantation. She was stubborn and wouldn’t agree to the surgery. Allen flew to
Memphis and relieved his cousin with hospital duty. Allen reminded his mother
that good friends of ours had endured several heart procedures and were doing
well. He also reminded her that my Aunt Margaret had a-fib and had a pacemaker
and had been doing well with medication and pacemaker for several years. She
finally agreed to the procedure. Allen stayed with her until she was released
from the hospital and several days with her at home. In the hospital he was
told that she qualified for in-home nursing care twice a week, and physical
therapy to regain her strength. She agreed to only once a week check-up from a
visiting nurse, and would not agree to physical therapy. She was still
insisting she could take care of herself in her own home with no help after
living in this same house for almost 60 years. She had refused for at least a
couple of years to give Allen, her only child, power of attorney, or to be a
co-signer for any financial transactions.
At some point before this hospital stay, she had an
insect bite or some kind of injury that became infected in her right hand or
arm. This was also treated at the hospital. We know almost nothing about this
because it happened before any of us saw her. Also, in the previous 2 years,
Mrs. Mullins had cataract surgery in both eyes and treatment for macular
degeneration. Allen and his cousin had both gone to Memphis several times to
help her with these doctor visits and surgeries. She had not let anyone know that
her vision was decreasing, so we didn’t know we should be worried about that.
She also claimed that she still had her distance vision for driving and still
continued to drive. However, we tried several readers and magnifying devices,
and finally found an electronic device that seemed to work OK for reading. She
had always enjoyed reading the newspaper and various magazines, but found that
the device was too much trouble most of the time. She had trouble using the
stove and the dishwasher because she couldn’t read the knobs to operate devices.
We put stickers on the dishwasher to show where to press to start the
dishwasher 6 months earlier when we visited at Thanksgiving.
So, Allen came home after several days observing his
mother at home and thought she was doing OK. Then Allen got a call on May 10th
from the visiting nurse that she couldn’t get Mrs. Mullins to come to the front
door to let her in. Allen called a neighbor who had a key to the front door,
but she had locked the outer screen door and they couldn’t get in. Allen
suggested he go to the back sliding glass door in case she had left it open to
let her cat out. Thankfully, it was open, and he and the nurse found Mrs.
Mullins in the bathroom where she had fallen, we think trying to take a bath.
There was blood on the toilet and in the tub. They called an ambulance to take
her to the hospital again. She had injured her right shoulder badly (she’s
right-handed), there was some kind of fracture in her arm, but no head injury
or stroke. They concluded one of her heart medications was not working to
regulate the a-fib, so changed her medication and kept her to observe how the
medication was working. At some point in time (we have so many gaps of
information and timeline) she developed bed sores. One was really bad and
caused her much pain and discomfort. So, Allen and I both drove to Memphis this
time to spend time with her and get some more care organized for her after she
left the hospital.
We are blessed to have good friends who live in the
Memphis area. One of these friends, Philip, is a retired missionary and also is
retired from the past few years serving as a hospice chaplain. We had planned
on spending time in Texas with the two couples we traveled with to Ireland last
year. We contacted both couples to let them know we would need to cancel our
Texas plans with these two Tennessee couples because we were coming to Memphis
to check on Mrs. Mullins. Philip said he’d drop by the hospital to check on her
until we arrived later that afternoon. While there, Philip helped her with her
lunch and talked to the doctors and nurses. He also advised when we arrived on
companies he knew that were good for in-home care. Allen stayed with her in the
hospital during the daytime and I stayed at her house taking care of the cat,
grocery shopping, and cleaning house in preparation for her release from the
hospital. After she was released from the hospital, we interviewed someone from
an in-home care company and signed forms for 24/7 care (which is VERY
expensive) when we were not in Memphis. Mrs. Mullins finally started talking
about maybe moving to Texas to an assisted living apartment to be near us since
she had so many barriers now to her living alone and taking care of herself. We
left for Texas after meeting the first of the “Visiting Angels” care workers,
Carolyn, who we were very impressed with. Allen and I both needed to get back
to our full-time jobs and we needed to start investigating assisted living
facilities near us in Arlington, TX.
We got back to Arlington on Friday and made an
appointment to visit Heartis, an assisted living facility very near our house.
We liked it, took photos to share with Mrs. Mullins and made a deposit to hold
an apartment for her. We were given all of the forms that are required to get
her into the facility. Allen made doctor’s appointments with the orthopedic
doctor and a family doctor she hadn’t visited in a couple of years. Also during
this week, Allen’s cousin who lives 3 hours from Memphis in Mississippi, drove
to Memphis to take Mrs. Mullins to the hair dresser one day and check on her.
He requested that we keep the night shift care giver (11pm-7am) so he could get
some sleep. We thought that was a good idea because the week we were there she
kept needing help to get up to go to the bathroom several times during the
night. A couple of times we didn’t hear her calling because we are deep
sleepers and found that she had slipped to the floor from her too-high bed
during the night. This is a ticking time bomb for another fall that would break
another bone or worse. Allen’s cousin experienced a really bad care giver that
night who was smoking something that was so strong smelling that he had her go
out to the garage for the rest of the night. We called and asked that she never
come to the house again.
So, on May 25 we headed back to Memphis and Allen’s
cousin left again when we arrived. We continued the 11-7 in-home care so we
could sleep and we took the rest of the hours of the day. Allen’s mother is
weak; unsteady on her feet; unable to get out of bed or a chair by herself;
still has a swollen and painful hand, arm, and shoulder; can barely see; has
painful and weeping pressure sores; and other complaints to be expected of an
89-year-old who will be 90 in August. She has always been a difficult person to
be around—stubborn, mean-spirited, probably mildly OCD, racist, but on the
positive side she still has her mind, is very organized, has kept a beautifully
organized home for almost 70 years, is very adept in financial matters and
lived alone for all this time since Allen’s dad died.
Things that happened while we were in Memphis May 25-30.
The TV cable died and we had to make an appointment to have the cable checked
(this has happened many times because the cable line goes across the street to
the house and is knocked down by wind, hail, or passing garbage trucks); 2
toilets overflowed and we had to call the plumber for a $600+ fix; at least 10
trips to Walgreens for various things; two doctor visits that took 6 hours to
complete; visits with the nurse, physical therapist, 4 or 5 different Visiting
Angels; cooking and cleaning; giving Mrs. Mullins a bath and dressing her;
trips to 2 banks to get signatures for Allen to co-sign for financial needs and
transfer of funds from different accounts.
We are exhausted and are planning the next trip to
Memphis on June 14 to pack up a few things, including some furniture for the
move to assisted living. Allen has talked to a company that will let us rent a
hospital bed for the assisted living apartment until we can get the correct
forms filled and turned in to get Medicare help for the purchase. He also has a
prescription for a wheelchair which we will need for the trip back to Arlington
from Memphis. After we get Mrs. Mullins settled, we’ll need to take another
trip or trips back to the house to get it ready for an estate sale and
eventually the sale of the house and her car. She’ll need those funds to
stretch her finances for living for the rest of her life. We will be starting a
new phase of our life, which will also include an eventual move to Abilene to
be near our son and his family. We want to be sure we are nearby them before we
need the kind of help that Allen’s mother needs now. And we want this on
record—please, when we need it, we will willingly move to assisted care. May
God give us strength, patience, energy, and health as we begin our newest
family adventure.
